Butterflies

I swear to you I haven’t gone a day

Without thinking about the way

You make me feel.

There’s butterflies in my heart for you,

That’s something no one else could do.

That’s how I know that this is real.

Usually they’re all clouding my brain,

Which always end up driving me insane.

There they make me so confused.

Or in my stomach you could find

Them making me sick because their kind

Is my gut warning that I’m being abused.

From just the way you look at me

They flutter inside so happily,

Making my heart soar above.

I have never felt so free before.

There’s no one I’d rather fly with more.

I am deeply and madly in love.

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We Just Deserve A Happy Ending

I never could imagine death
Until I felt what it was like to live
After giving my heart away and being left empty.

I never realized what it meant
to give someone all of yourself
until I tried to take some of the pieces back.

I never could imagine love
Until I felt what it was like to have
Someone give me their heart and being made whole.

I never realized what it meant
For someone to give me all of themselves
Until I had to give some of the pieces back.

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

And finally he hummed those three syllables,

The song I’ve been longing to hear him sing.

Yet as the sweet melody flowed from his lips,

I did not sigh of relief, my heart did not beat faster.

For the first time ever, the magic chant did not cast a spell on me.

It’s charm did not hypnotize me, I did not melt away at the sound.

Instead my heart sang along to the tune it had learned,

By following him in the dance that he taught me in silence.

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High On FWB

I haven’t written in a while.

I haven’t found the time because I’ve been so goddamn wrapped up in staring at your smile.

I haven’t posted a poem in weeks.

I’ve been too busy kissing your shoulders, your back, your lips and your cheeks.

I haven’t felt pain in days.

You’ve been numbing it, making me smile and laugh, always distracting me with your charming ways.

I know this high is temporary.

I’ll miss the euphoria I feel laying next to you with your arms wrapped around me.

The come down is going to be rough.

Filled with paranoid thoughts of how I’m never going to be enough.

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Opposed To The Opposition

We’re polar opposites,

My heart is positive, yours is negative.

The attraction is magnifying,

I’m pulled towards you in some fashion.

I want an explanation, but it’s inexplicable.

I want it to stop, but it’s unstoppable.

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Love.

It’s like heroine.

It doesn’t matter how much you know that it’s bad for you,

You’re addicted.

All you want is more, until it’s the death of you.

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Firsts

I remember the first time I felt fat and ugly.

I was four, standing in front of that mirrored wall, surrounded by dancers that were smaller and prettier than I was.

I remember the first time an adult made me uncomfortable by calling me sexy.

I was six, wearing my brand new, cheetah print, bikini bathing suit.

I remember the first time my heart got broken.

I was eight when some girls I thought were my friends told me that the guy I had a crush on liked me back. When I told him how I felt, they all laughed at me.

I remember the first time a grown man grabbed my ass.

I was ten, standing in line at a convenience store. I went home and cried to my mom.

I remember the first time I cut myself.

I was twelve. The kids at camp forced me to show them my wrists, screaming “emo freak” at me.

I remember my first time I lost a best friend.

I was fourteen and she spent the entire summer stealing from me until I gathered enough courage to confront her. Even though we were practically sisters since birth, she decided she hated me and started telling everyone that I was “a fat bitch.” I still love her and miss her.

I remember my first kiss, my first time falling in love.

I was sixteen and completely blind to the fact that I was being used and cheated on. The same trend has followed with every relationship since.

I remember my first time begging “no, please don’t. please stop.”

I was 18 and drunk when 3 men took advantage of me in the worst way. I lied about it because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I blamed myself. I wanted to die, and I tried to. Multiple times.

I remember the first time I learned to love myself.

I was twenty when I started to see the beauty in my flaws and my scars. I promised myself from that day forward, I would protect my happiness for the rest of my life.

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